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Adult Pants by John B.

35 years of sobriety under my belt and I am somewhat embarrassed to admit this. I had thought (and hoped really) that I could go the whole rest of my life without it. But, for the second time in my life, I now own a suit.

The first time was when I was, like six. And that one came with short pants.

But, I now own a jacket and matching pants (long), appropriate to appear in at any formal affair. An “adult” pair of pants, in other words. See, you can’t be 7 when you’re wearing a suit. It’s like impossible, I think. I also experienced actually acting like an adult while I was in an adult situation. And no, I was not wearing the suit at the time.

And this all happened in the very same week! Is it a coincidence? We think not!

I know, you’re probably thinking “Really? Why is this guy bothering me with this?”

Let me clarify. You see, we all have three basic personalities inside: the child, the adult and the critical parent. Some of us have more, but we all have at least these three.

I prefer the child. See, I was, as the book says, “in full flight from reality” long before I took my first drink at age 14. I have never been a fan of such words as responsibility, reality and accountability.  I would rather be 7.

I like doin’ what I want, when I want and think it should ALWAYS be recess! Where’s my treat, is it time to go get ice cream yet? Why not? I wanna go to Disneyland! Work? I DON’T WANNA!

Really long story short – apparently I was in a safe space the other day, talking to my therapist, and something wonderful happened! At the end of the session I felt really good, like being adjusted by the chiropractor of the emotions! It was really great. Then I realized that the reason I felt so good was that during the session, while dealing with some sensitive issues, issues of the sort that I usually avoid by being 7 and deflecting with humor, or just resisting, I had gone a different route – instead I had been in “Adult Mode” the whole time!

And guess what? ADULT is actually a CHOICE! I’m serious right now. I can actually CHOOSE to be an adult if I want to! I had been present and responsible, non-avoidant and accountable and dammit ……it felt good! Mind blown.

I may just try it again, sometime….

But for now, thank God that’s’ over! I can go back to being 7.
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