Before abstinence, holidays meant food, birthdays meant food, vacations meant food, socializing meant food and waking up in the morning meant food. Basically, there wasn’t anything in my life that didn’t mean food. I was either bingeing or planning my next binge. Life was passing me by without my awareness.
From Halloween through New Year’s, it was one long food fog. Then on New Year’s Day, I would wake up and a black cloud would descend because today was the first day of my diet. I found it hard to get out of bed because how could I get through the day without my “support system,” my best friend, my security, the solution to all my problems and the comforting presence of food?
Today, 27 years after that last “black cloud morning,” it’s a joy to get up every New Year’s Day, every holiday and every birthday. It’s a joy mixed with gratitude to wake up abstinently and not be filled with self-loathing and hopelessness.
How did this miraculous transformation happen? I decided I needed a different “support system,” a different best friend, different security, a different solution to all my problems, and a different way of comforting myself. I found all of that, and more, through Overeaters Anonymous and other 12-Step fellowships.
Abstinence is the most important thing in my life today, without exception, because it is the doorway to my Higher Power, and my Higher Power is the solution to all my problems today.
