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The Bondage of Self by John B.

The Bondage of Self by John B.

Having spent the last several days in my head, by myself, I thought it would be a good time to share….

“I have been thinking about how much it has been raining in recent days.  In addition, the humidity has been RIDICULOUS.  When it gets like this, mushrooms begin to sprout on my lawn, which I personally detest.  I think it’s weird, too.  I am originally from Southern California where it is nice and dry, mostly, and mushrooms definitely do not grow on your lawn, no matter how much it rains.  The reason I hate mushrooms is that they are ugly and useless for anything.  Also, I miss California.  Yes, I do regret the past, thank you very much.  I mean Florida is OK and everything, don’t get me wrong.  I just wish I had chosen to stay in southern California and not moved here, even though I own a home and could never have done that in California.  And don’t EVEN get me started on the people in my life and their shortcomings!

Buzzzz buzzzz buzzzz goes my brain.  Day in, day out, on and on it goes.  Whether or not I am doing something that requires my full attention or just sitting doing nothing.  It is an automatic process, always waiting patiently for me, as soon as I wake up…..buzzzz buzzzz buzzzz.

Keeping it simple is the solution, of course.  To keep it simple means that I have to remember that my number one problem is not you, or you or YOU.  It is ME.  My thinking is at the root of my problems. THE BIG BLUE recovery manual tells me that my main problem resides in my mind.  Although I frequently reject this notion, I have found that it is nevertheless true.

Why don’t I just stop thinking so much, you may ask?  Just say no to the buzzzz buzzzz buzzzz?  Because I am addicted to it, that’s why!  I can’t stop, can’t live without it.

Gosh, if only there were a way of stopping this thinking?  Or at least of putting it to good use?   It would be so great if there were a place where folks can get together with others who are like them, who understand how difficult it can be sometimes.  Maybe a place where there is experience, strength and hope?  Where there are people to share my insanity with?  A place where people help each other and where there is a clearly defined road map to recovery from my affliction?

Wouldn’t that be great?  Anyone?  Anyone?   Beuller?

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