Sharing your truth and listening to others will set you free. I am 45 days into recovery so I know I have a long road before I will experience the happy, joyous and free life that long timers talk about in meetings. However, I have already learned so much by closing my mouth and opening my ears and heart, while keeping my feet grounded in the moments throughout each day.
I came into a residential program with a broken mind and soul. For the first time in my 31 years of life, I was willing to do anything that the therapists and staff told me to do. I kept quiet unless asked a question and gave full disclosure on anything they asked even when I was afraid to share the horrid things I had done. I took their words and applied faith to requests beyond my comprehension, as I knew they had and currently walk the path I want to be on. I was told that working the program will bring miracles beyond my wildest dreams.
I allowed myself to be vulnerable. I started calling women in the fellowship to find a sponsor and create a network of a minimum of 10 women and I set boundaries with those in my life that were not healthy for true recovery. I started listening to these women as they painted the path of recovery from things they were told to do that worked for them based on the principles of the Big Book.
I also started to recognize that I had feelings that at first, I was unable to identify. Some days I was perplexed on how to pinpoint the fear, anger, anxiety, shame and guilt I felt. As I started to read the Big Book and work on assignments given to me, I began easily identifying these feelings I have carried for the last 14 years since my disease appeared and dismantled my life.
I started to form a relationship with my Higher Power and even found myself waking every morning and going directly outside to pray; my morning prayers quickly turned into praying throughout the day. I asked for guidance of my Higher Power so that I may fulfill His will, not mine. As my relationship with my Higher Power grew so did my relationship with myself and the people that surrounded me in recovery. I began to feel moments of peace and happiness. I found myself smiling throughout the day and an increasing desire to learn more and dive into the program.
After 30 days of residential I moved into a local sober house and have continued the suggestions given to me by my therapy team. I create a schedule daily of calling my sponsor and network, I attend a (Zoom) meeting at least 10 times a week and I have begun hitting my knees when I pray. The miracles of the program started while I was in treatment and they continue to arise every day. I wish that my story, although it is only just beginning, may give the next newcomer a glimpse of hope. The possibility of the life us addicts dream of is possible if you give those that work the program the opportunity to show you the way. Good luck and keep coming back!