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Goodbye Letter to My Eating Disorder, Anonymous

Goodbye Letter to My Eating Disorder, Anonymous

This is extremely difficult for me to do, but I have to let you go.  You have served me well for many, many years, or at least that was the lie that I told myself.  There was a time that you provided me with great solace, comfort and security.  When I believed that I had no one else to turn to, that nobody else was there for me, I could always count on you to be there for me.  You took away my pain and my sorrows, my fears and my insecurities, my guilt and my shame.  They all disappeared when your sick, sweet voice whispered in my ear, beckoning me to engage in the dance we did day in and day out.

At first I felt as if I could conquer the world as long as I had you by my side.  You became my secret lover, my constant companion and my new best friend.  Nobody could take you away from me, and I vowed to never let you go.  You consumed my every waking moment, my every thought.  As time passed, I began to feel numb and disconnected from the reality of my everyday life, the reality which I tried so desperately to escape.  When I wanted to run and hide, I could call on you to help me achieve that state of apathy, that state of complete numbness which I sought.  But eventually I always came back to the land of the living, and the sadness would return.  I would begin to feel again and I didn’t like this.  You see, you were no longer working for me.  No matter how hard I tried, your promised relief and instant gratification would evade me.  I became frustrated.  The cycle was vicious and I became sicker and sicker.  I was a shell of a person and I almost lost my life because of you.

I have no use for you any longer.  It is time for me to break free and be rid of you, once and for all.  Goodbye, old friend, goodbye.  I no longer choose you.  I choose recovery.

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