Looking back over the last 5 years of sobriety, I asked myself: What is the main reason that I have been able to maintain my sobriety, be present and experience the promises?
My experience is that I always came into the program to get over a lost job, probation or some other situation that was out of my control. Just like the Big Book says, the idea that somehow, someday, I could enjoy my drinking consumed my thoughts and I never had any defense against the first drink. I experienced this first hand at my sister’s wedding in 2013. That last relapse lasted 5 years and brought me to my knees with constant thoughts of suicide. As I was lying in a hospital bed, all I could think was when I get out of this hospital, I’m going to go get drunk and end everything, but God had another plan. My family came to visit me, and my thought changed to I don’t ever want to take another drink or drug for the rest of my life. For the first time I saw the pain that I had caused them over the course of 20 years of drinking and drugging. Step 1 was firmly implanted that day and any reservation that I had was removed immediately.
The answer to that question I asked myself: No Reservations!