So, OK, I admit it…..occasionally, I like to wear a nice red bloody wound!
See, I was taught by my parents in subtle ways to pretend everything is OK, even though it’s not, and this has been extremely difficult training to break. Of course, when I do break it, it can lead to a “recovery moment” or new awareness.
I used to think I wasn’t doing it right – recovery, I mean – what with everyone in meetings living lives that were “beyond their wildest dreams,” and all. That’s a pretty big expectation. And even though I have been sober for a really long while now, and even though I go to meetings on a fairly regular basis, every once in a while I have a bad day. Oh, yeah, and my life is usually anything but “beyond my wildest dreams,” thank you very much!
But why I don’t actually seek out these growth episodes is beyond me. Growth usually feels really good when it happens, and isn’t that what I was after OUT THERE? To feel good, with no DOWNSIDE? I mean, THAT’S the Holy Grail…..
But I resist, and so I wear the wound around for as long as I can stand it. And then, just when I can’t do it anymore, I go ahead and take a chance and “reach out” and call my sponsor, or go to a meeting, raise my hand and come clean. And sometimes a miracle happens. My life gets better! And even YOU get better!
I may just try it today, and of course I will keep you posted.
I’ll see ya around! Hey, you can’t miss me…..!