My Life in early recovery was not a cake walk in any sense of the word. I made mistake after mistake and felt so much internal pain, however the amount of pain I was going through at this point in my life was nothing compared to the pain I had experienced in active addiction. The one thing that stood out so much in my brain though, was I never wanted to feel like I did the last day that I was using. I was willing to do anything never to go to that dark place ever again. Sometimes I think back to that day and realize that I had lost everything that ever mattered, and I had sold or given away everything I had of value to chase that drug that allowed me to not feel anything. It was the darkest I had ever been and had taken me down a path that I never thought I would have to walk.
Today I am so far on the other end of life that sometimes I can not believe that this is the life I get to live. This is an amazing life I have been given again and I don’t plan on ever giving it away again. If you noticed I used the words “get to” and not “have to,” that is because I had a shift in my perspective. I mean if you think about it, I wake up every morning with an untreated case of addiction and must immediately start treating it with some simple things to keep it at bay. These are the things that I have learned that keep me clean:
1. Read literature
2. Pray to your Higher Power (Ask for help to get through the day)
3. Meditate (Listen for some experience from your Higher Power)
4. Go to a 12 Step Meeting
5. Be of service to another sick and suffering addict.
6. Step work (completing the 12 steps)
I have learned that these few things also keep me in the right state of mind to handle life and the challenges that come with it. The things that used to drive me to drugs and alcohol no longer cause me to feel the way, and no longer hold any power over me. There are days I am an emotional wreck, and there will be days I can always look to the fellowship and people that are in the program to help me through those times. The more work I do on myself, the less people and situations seem to bother me because I have a new coping mechanism that doesn’t involve drugs or alcohol. The way things have unfolded for me I can only hope that they work out the same for you.
I have found value in myself and the value of others in my life. I don’t have to control everything around me and I have learned that sometimes people leave your life for a reason. I have also learned to not overthink everything that crosses my plate, and I don’t have to fix, manage, or control everything and everyone. I have found that it is possible to live a happy and prosperous life and to live it beyond my wildest dreams. I found out that I am worth it and that asking for help isn’t a weakness it is the nicest thing I can do for myself. I am so blessed to be working here at TPOT and have found a new joy in my life by being here. There are amazing staff here that want to help you find a new way to live.