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First Thought

First Thought

First thought wrong
Maybe I’ll have a little.
First thought wrong,
I think I’ve figured out the riddle.
First thought wrong,
I’ll only have one shot.
First thought wrong,
It’s how I’ve gotten where I’ve got.

Eleven forty-five at night, I threw back the top;
Sixty in a thirty was enough for the cop.
He pulled right up behind me, blue lights blazing on the bar;
First thought wrong; he said, “Please step out of the car.”

First thought wrong,
And maybe second, third, and fourth.
First thought wrong,
Southbound lane, headed north.
First thought wrong,
How about one for the road?
First thought wrong,
One turned into ten, and I entered stupid mode.

I told my wife and daughter I was headed to the store,
To get some needed groceries, but I was really craving more.
With my hidden bottles empty, I panicked for a bit,
Until I reached the liquor store; it was such a perfect fit.

About a half hour later, a day or two had passed;
I was in my house alone, and my girls were in my past.
I shook my head in disbelief, and I felt a sickened ache;
My first thought wrong had caused my life to finally break.

First thought wrong,
But I didn’t want to die.
First thought wrong,
I’d have to live without the lies.
First thought wrong,
My recovery’s what I need.
First thought wrong,
My Higher Power took the lead.

I thought that I’d been living life correctly all along,
Until I hit low bottom and felt the sting of being wrong.
My hopes and dreams had gone away, my future looked so bleak;
First thought wrong was killing me slowly week by week.

Then I landed in the hospital, nearly dying of disease;
The one that wants me dead, the one that brought me to my knees.
I was told about the only way to save my life and thrive,
AA and the Twelve Steps could keep myself alive.

Work on my recovery is the only goal that matters;
All else pales as I climb out of the tatters.
With my Higher Power’s wisdom and my willingness to go,
I seek out my recovery on a path I walk so slow.

So, first thought pause,
And be mindful of potential.
First thought pause,
Your acts are always influential.
First thought pause,
To keep from making old mistakes.
First thought and pause,
Your heart may smile instead of ache.

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