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Destined to die | Recovery Bytes | Turning Point of Tampa

Destined to Die by James R.

When I started using and drinking, I had no idea the path I was on. All I knew at that point in my life was pain and suffering. I grew up in an abusive household in poverty and both of my parents were addicts, prioritizing their addiction over caring for their children.

There were nights I prayed for death to relieve me of the misery that was my life. No child should ever feel that, way but I did. That all changed the day I took my first drink. I was FREE, or so I thought. From that point forward life became a constant pursuit of relief with the best solution I had at the time. I was a prisoner to drugs and alcohol. It didn’t take long until crime became a means that allowed me to continue to drink and use. My consequences progressed as well as my use. I didn’t know how cruel I was to my own mind, body, and spirit and when people would approach me concerned, I would shrug it off and tell myself they didn’t understand. They didn’t know that the pain I felt while abstinent was far greater than being the withered husk I had become. I was entirely unaware of the person I had become. I had no morals, no regard for others, no love for anyone or anything except my sweet escape. I had no idea I was repeating a cycle that I had seen my whole life through my parents.

The day finally came when I found my dad dead from an overdose. I didn’t even think about the fact that this too was my fate if I continued this path. All I knew was an even greater pain than I had ever experienced in my entire life, and I only knew one way to relieve it. I was off to the races. I went deeper into the abyss than ever before and didn’t care what happened to me. This eventually landed me in jail facing prison time where I was offered an opportunity to go to Turning Point of Tampa. I took the deal because anything was better than prison.

I decided at that point to seriously give sobriety a try. I dealt with the trauma I had, I learned about the nature of this disease, and learned about the program of AA. I was told to get a sponsor, so I got one. I was willing to do anything to get this right this time. Upon leaving Turning Point I went to sober living and started working the steps with my sponsor. While working the steps I was made aware of the person I had become in my addiction and how he was destined to die. My character defects were revealed to me, and I asked my higher power to remove them all. They were a part of me creating the monster I had become. It took time and effort, I still make mistakes and those defects still come up from time to time but thanks to Turning Point, my sponsor and my higher power, I am no longer the husk I was before, that guy is dead like he was destined to be all along and from the ashes rose a new me. Today I’m a happy, functional member of society who doesn’t have to use or drink ever again.


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