What does being in recovery really mean? For me it means complete abstinence from ALL drugs (including alcohol) and finding a new way to live. But in order for me to find recovery, I had to reflect on the life that I had lived before I heard the message. Here goes.
Addiction for me wasn’t full of the degradation people think of when they think of a “junkie,” but it was degrading nonetheless. Addiction took me to places where no spirituality existed and doing the next right thing was not an option. The people who loved me and the hopes and dreams they had for me were a distant memory. I lived each day in a whirlwind, always waking up already late for work and unable to focus until I figured out where and how I was going to get my next high. I neglected my body by pumping it full of drugs when it was crying out for actual nutrition. I worked a lot, got high all day, barely slept and was unable to show up for my friends. I think you get the picture.
Recovery, for me, has been starkly different than addiction. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been easy, but it has definitely been worth it. I think back to my active addiction and I almost cannot even believe that was my life. When I compare my life today to my life 10 years ago it solidifies my intention to never use again. Why would I give up a life beyond my wildest dreams for a life of nightmares?
Recovery, for me today, is about doing the next right thing. Admitting my wrongs. Accepting my faults. Changing my behaviors. Being loyal. Loving hard. Being a contributing member of society. Growing up. Letting go. Moving on.
My hope is that everyone who wants recovery finds it. I hope they don’t leave 5 minutes before the miracle. Too many people have died and today I know they didn’t have to. Today I know there is a better way.