Of late, I have begun to suspect that something isn’t right with me. Certainly, the fact that I have been living life on a basis of “unsatisfied demands” for the past 60+ years or so is undeniable. I have never really cared for the way the universe works, you know? I mean, why do I have to go to work every day and be respectful to idiots, and be responsible, honest and open-minded? Nobody else does!
I hereby demand that life be on MY terms, not life’s!
Oh, yes. And another issue I struggle with is that, unless I am engaged in doing something constructive, my tendency is to gravitate toward negativity. The problem here is that I don’t usually wake up eager to actually DO something constructive.
And God help me if I have some “free time” on my hands. Like when I am driving or just sitting at my desk at work. My busy little beaver brain can conjure up some fantastic scenarios, none of which have a positive outcome… Come to think of it, I can’t really explain why it is that I am not a “Doomsday Prepper.”
When this childish grandiosity strikes, when my anxiety peaks, my character defects tend to spew out all over the place, and make a mess! The worst part is that they never clean up after themselves – oh, no, I have to do it.
It doesn’t help that one of my very favorite things to do with my free time is read the news. I especially LOVE the editorials! You know, the ones that expose the many evil-doers, vile and corrupt individuals and the greedy corporations and institutions with which the world abounds. Bastards!
All this mental activity begets negativity. “Nattering Nabobs of Negativity,” as Spiro Agnew put it (look it up in Wiki). There is one, and only one, antidote; and it goes against every instinct and desire I have. And it’s always the LAST thing I want to do! (Told you already, I don’t CARE for the way the universe WORKS!)
The solution to my madness in the past has been MEDICATION, in whatever form is handy. Which, these days, is usually sugar — or adrenaline. Flipping the finger to someone you don’t know in traffic, who may be armed, will give a nice jolt!
Doesn’t really work anymore, though. Damn Universe and its random rules! Then again, MY solutions are what caused to me to end up in AA in the first place, aren’t they? Yes, the answer is to go to a meeting….again.