When I started working the program, I was told that there are no rules or directions, only suggestions. Cool, I thought, that gives me a lot of leeway! I’m a gal who loves leeway. But my sponsor reminded me that leeway is what got me into these rooms. I can’t handle leeway because I’m an addict. I love pushing boundaries. I love getting away with fill-in-the-blank. “More” is my middle name.
Leeway means making a judgment about how far to go. I’m an addict. I did not come into these rooms with healthy judgment. I have always gone too far.
So my wise sponsor, recognizing the gleam in my eye upon hearing the word “suggestions,” quickly nipped that in the bud. She informed me that I would be taking directions, not suggestions. She said other newcomers may be able to successfully work the program with suggestions, but she did not see that as working for me.
Today I have been in recovery for 28 years because of directions, from the Steps, from my sponsor, from old-timers, and especially from my Higher Power. When I am unsure which way to go in a situation and I pray for direction, I always get an answer, and the answer is never leeway.
After 28 years of running everything by my sponsor and my Higher Power, I now have healthier judgment, but I’m still an addict and I still need direction. It keeps me safe. By the grace of God, I have been directed into a life of happiness, joy and freedom.