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Fake it Till You Make It, by Clara W.

Fake it Till You Make It, by Clara W.

I began my recovery 28 years ago without a belief in a Higher Power.  I called myself an agnostic.  I wanted to believe, but I required some proof first, a small burning bush or a token miracle of some kind, if not an actual voice that assured me, “I am God.”  Needless to say, I wasn’t optimistic.

When I first learned about the concept of “act as if,” I had no faith that it would work, but I was told to start praying as if I did believe in a Higher Power.  I was so miserable and desperate at that time that I would have done almost anything anyone in recovery told me to do.  So I started praying daily and that action, while it did not give me any belief at first, it did begin to give me hope that at some point I might come to believe.

I kept at it.  I realized that I wanted and needed a loving relationship with a Higher Power.  I wanted a Higher Power who would be there for me at all times, whose presence and love would comfort me at all times, who I trusted to walk me through whatever was on my path, who I could talk to like a friend.  It occurred to me that when I want to become friends with another person, it requires time and effort to develop that relationship.  So that’s what I did.  I acted as if I were getting to know a new friend.  I talked to God a lot, every day, praying, making conscious contact, and often feeling silly because I still didn’t believe, but I just kept acting as if.

I can’t tell you at what point I was no longer acting.  I don’t think it took long.  All I know is that one day I realized that I had the faith I’d always wanted.  That was many years and miracles ago.  You see, that small burning bush and those miracles I had hoped for had been there all along.  I just couldn’t see them until I came to believe.